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Greetings everyone. I don't know that this is 100% the right "tribe" for this topic, but I feel that it's about creating the magick that can happen with gay sex (or any sex for that matter), if we can get beyond a few issues) I hope that I can express some hurdles/challenges I have been facing and hear your thoughts and experiences as they relate.
Let me give you some background:
1 - I have a life-partner of 8.5 years. We have always expressed having an open relationship, but have recently begun to define what that means, as well as what "life-partner" means (more on all of that later)
2 - I believe that sex is sex. Everyone does it (or should). There is a natural physical need for that form of "plugging-in" to another human being.
3 - I've been working to show that we as men (and particularly gay men) can express intimacy, affection and nurturing touch without it leading to sex and "getting off".
4 - I have been convoluting #2 & #3, by saying that if a group is gathered with the INTENTION of just expressing nurturing physical touch and it naturally progresses to something more sexual, that's OK, as long as it's a natural progression and not that one person is controlling the energy or forcing the issue to "get-off". It's about the connection and not the "release".
On top of all of that, I've been putting myself in this space where I am the "facilitator" who "should" monitor this balance, when I really just want to be touched, but when it starts to lead to something more sexual, I remind myself that I'm supposed to be maintaining the "safe space" for others, so I shouldn't go there. But when everyone else goes there, I begin to go to a negative space in MY being where I "remind myself" (or reinforce that negative thought pattern) that I'm ugly, fat, no one wants to touch me and I don't deserve to be touched. All of which is not grounded in reality.
Furthermore, I feel like items #2 & #3 happen on different planes or levels of consciousness or awareness. I think most people are NOT developed enough in their awareness to realize the different levels and can easily shut one off or switch from one to the other without the conscience knowledge that they are doing so. I *feel* that my awareness is developed in a manner that I cannot just negate one or the other.
All of this leads me to a struggle with sex, intimacy and self-esteem and self-worth.
Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Concerns? Advice? Recommendations?
Let me give you some background:
1 - I have a life-partner of 8.5 years. We have always expressed having an open relationship, but have recently begun to define what that means, as well as what "life-partner" means (more on all of that later)
2 - I believe that sex is sex. Everyone does it (or should). There is a natural physical need for that form of "plugging-in" to another human being.
3 - I've been working to show that we as men (and particularly gay men) can express intimacy, affection and nurturing touch without it leading to sex and "getting off".
4 - I have been convoluting #2 & #3, by saying that if a group is gathered with the INTENTION of just expressing nurturing physical touch and it naturally progresses to something more sexual, that's OK, as long as it's a natural progression and not that one person is controlling the energy or forcing the issue to "get-off". It's about the connection and not the "release".
On top of all of that, I've been putting myself in this space where I am the "facilitator" who "should" monitor this balance, when I really just want to be touched, but when it starts to lead to something more sexual, I remind myself that I'm supposed to be maintaining the "safe space" for others, so I shouldn't go there. But when everyone else goes there, I begin to go to a negative space in MY being where I "remind myself" (or reinforce that negative thought pattern) that I'm ugly, fat, no one wants to touch me and I don't deserve to be touched. All of which is not grounded in reality.
Furthermore, I feel like items #2 & #3 happen on different planes or levels of consciousness or awareness. I think most people are NOT developed enough in their awareness to realize the different levels and can easily shut one off or switch from one to the other without the conscience knowledge that they are doing so. I *feel* that my awareness is developed in a manner that I cannot just negate one or the other.
All of this leads me to a struggle with sex, intimacy and self-esteem and self-worth.
Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Concerns? Advice? Recommendations?
posted by:
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Philadelphia
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